Play Harder

Sometimes I forget how much fun it was to be a kid. Despite my efforts, I grew up. OK, maybe I shouldn’t even try to phrase it that way. I COULD NOT WAIT to grow up! As a little girl, I would dream of being a wife and mommy or having a grand career of different sorts. I greatly desired to run my own home and make a difference in the world in whatever way I could manage. I don’t remember being afraid or trying to fight it at all.

HOWEVER, when the growing up actually happened –I got married, moved into my own home, brought children into the world, and started paying mountains of bills while managing to prepare meals, keep on top of laundry and housework, and not destroy the lives I had been entrusted with. And do you know what I realized? Being a grown up is really freaking hard!

I don’t remember student loans crossing my mind when I would play with my dollies. I think I neglected to shop sales and stick to a tight budget when I would go to the imaginary grocery stores. Heck, since I planned to marry a Backstreet Boy I didn’t even need to worry about money anyway! And wouldn’t you know that all of my sweet, dollbaby children slept through the night –every night!?

But let me just say that I greatly prefer my living, breathing babies to the perfectly tame and well-behaved imaginary ones. I think God gave me these rambunctious little blonds to keep me sane amongst the chaos. Ironic, isn’t it? You can’t say God doesn’t have a sense of humor.

You know why they’re keeping me sane in the stress-infested reality of being a grown up? They remind me to play! They show me how to enjoy the simple things. They laugh and smile. They don’t know how to worry or stress. They just know fun!

You know what they’re doing at this exact moment? We’re outside enjoying the weather and they have fistfuls of leaves held high in the air. Their mouths are open wide and they’re yelling at the sky as they run aimlessly back and forth across the yard. It’s a grand sight!

Playing hide and seek with a two and four year old is the funniest thing an adult can possibly do. If you get the chance, do it. They count together, never in any specific order or to any particular number and then they hunt together. Their investigative voices are enough to make me giggle until my cover is blown. When it’s their turn to hide, I am forced to put on a confused face and check multiple places, knowing that they’re in the exact same spot where they found me on the previous turn. If they ever ventured out to find a new hiding spot, it still wouldn’t be hard to find them because my youngest loves to jump out when she hears me coming and yell, “I found him, Mom!” The older one hates it but still gets caught in a fit of laughter when I discover him.

Now, really, doesn’t that sound much better than doing the dishes? Go play!

I Have Problems

I feel like I need to issue an apology to everyone I come in contact with. I have no good excuse, but I think I’ve become a very rude person. I don’t intend to be mean or impolite, by any means, but it happens –way more often than I care to admit.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I am not pushing people down stairs or stealing candy from small children. But I do ignore people. I forget to say hello or goodbye. I don’t ask about important events or how everyone is doing. Even on occasion, I will walk right past someone without even acknowledging their presence until a bit after the fact.

This has nothing to do with my shy, awkward introverted personality.
The problem seems to be that my brain no longer functions properly.

Do you know how many times I get home at night and think, “Oh crap! I forgot to even tell someone I was leaving!” Or I get so deep in thought that I can’t seem to see anything past my imagination. It’s almost as if the “baby brain” I had during my pregnancies never left at all (or dare I say, got immeasurably worse with each day of raising said babies!). I might even be a slight menace to society. But I do promise I am not being intentionally rude or self-seeking. That is certainly not my intention!

So, I am very sorry if I have ignored you when you’ve said hello. I feel terrible if I never came to say hello or forgot to wish you a happy birthday outside of your Facebook wall. Forgive me if I go off into a creepy glazed-over stare instead of responding to your posed question. My brain is not itself and I am deeply sorry.

Hopefully, I will regain control someday. But until then−

Are You Disturbed?

How disturbed are you? That’s kind of an unusual question, isn’t it? I thought so when it was posed through my radio speakers. But, really, it is a thought-provoking question. I’ve never really thought about the word “disturbed” in this manner, but I have to say, I just love it! Read on for clarity!

We as humans really like to be comfortable, don’t we? Look around you. Your home is probably decorated in your own personal tastes. You wear clothes of your choosing that fit your personality and are (for the most part) comfortable to wear. We can control our indoor climates, choose what we watch on television, and purchase what we think we need to live our lives in contentment.

If you’re like me, you might even notice that you’re addicted to comfort. It’s taken a long time for me to realize that God does NOT want us to be comfortable. If everything is going our way and we’re happy in our bubbles, we’ll never grow. We’ll never learn to trust, never understand the purpose of suffering, and never have a need to worry about those around us.

We are meant to be disturbed. What is “passion” if not an outlet for our innermost disturbances? I shared in my
last blog post that I have a passion for adoption. That’s because the thought of parentless children is deeply disturbing to me. If I’m being totally honest, I don’t let my mind wander to those thoughts as often as they should. Why? Because being that concerned about something is emotionally draining! I hate to cry. I hate to worry. I hate to feel responsible for something that seems outside of my control. It’s horrible to think about the pains in this world –both seen and unseen. But they’re there whether we want to think about them or not.

Just imagine, if you allowed your bubble to burst and let your heart break to something, what kind of wonders could God work through you? That was a challenge, by the way. The walls of your comfort zone need to crumble –mine, more than anyone else’s. So let’s all get a little bit disturbed together –one day at a time.

What’s Your Fire?

I’m a huge advocate for Focus on the Family. In college, when I was unable to attend church off campus, I listened to their broadcasts to help supplement my lack of Sunday morning messages. Well, now that I’m a stay-at-home mom, I still like to put on the broadcasts and listen while I clean house or cook in the kitchen.

Today was unique. First of all, their daily broadcast was word for word what I had been praying about, so that was a big neon sign! Then, I wanted more, so I scrolled through the other recent programs and found one on adoption posted only a few days before. I immediately uttered an “oh, brother” to myself –not for any other reason than the fact that I knew I would be glued to the speaker’s every word and most likely end up shedding a few tears. I’m unsure about a lot of things in my life, but the one thing I know FOR CERTAIN is that God has specifically called me to adopt. So, needless to say, I gravitate toward those discussions.

Well, I was right and wrong about my reaction to the program. I WAS glued to it, but I didn’t shed a few tears….I poured buckets! The speaker was Kay Warren (wife of Rick Warren) and she had me at hello because she was choked up from the moment she began to talk. Her passion for orphans was more than obvious. But do you know what her very first point was? “What is the church going to do about 143 million orphans?”

I would let that statement sink in for a moment, but this statement was made a few years ago (it was a prerecorded speech) and the number of orphans is actually now closer to 150 million. Can you imagine? 150 million children without a mommy to hold them when their tummies hurt. 150 million little boys that don’t have daddies to play ball in the backyard. They have no security in their lives. No promise of a strong future with parents loving them unconditionally and supporting their hopes and dreams. I looked at my two little ones and think, “What if no one loved them?” And I wept. WEPT! And then Ms. Warren’s statement made me angry.

What is the church going to do about 150 million orphans? I have been a church attender for my entire life and do you know how many sermons I’ve heard on God’s desire for us to care for the orphans and widows? ONE. That’s all. Why is this not a more serious conversation in churches today?

People may not agree with me on this. But I think it needs to be a much bigger issue in the Christian community. Not everyone is called to adopt, but everyone is called to give and support and love. If it’s not on your heart to open your home to a child, then it is your responsibility as a Christ follower to do whatever you can to make it possible for someone else. (Yeah, I know, I’m being kind of mean and demanding with this. But this is my passion and you wouldn’t be very nice if you were on fire either.)

I’ve included a link to the broadcast below because I think everyone needs to hear it. Her points are brilliant and her passion is contagious. Please, please, please consider your role in this.

“Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.” James 1:27

http://www.focusonthefamily.com/media/daily-broadcast/orphan-care-accepting-the-call

DIY Garter

Miss Medley

Due to a recent engagement in the family, I am in top DIY mode and am feeling extra crafty! I recently discovered the idea of crafting all things wedding instead of purchasing them, I am pleased to introduce my garter DIY complete with pictures! Let me know what you think, and feel free to share your own ideas as I explore wedding preparation in my best Do-it-Yourself fashion!

What you will need:

• Stretchy lace ribbon

• Fun beads, pearls, jewels, flowers, etc
• A hot glue gun and glue sticks
• And a needle and thread

Creating your garter:

• First measure and cut the lace ribbon so when stretched, it is slightly larger than your thigh
• Next lay out the fun decorations however you please

• Now glue or sew (depending on the decoration) the pieces on the lace ribbon

My oh my, do my nails look lovely or what?

• Finally, sew your garter together!

Wallah!…

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A Time to Fall in Love

I love fall. It is the very best time of year and I just want to take this opportunity to tell you why. Then you can love it too. (You know, just in case you’re on the fence about this matter.)

David Letterman had success with his top ten lists, so here is mine:

The Top Ten Reasons Why I Love Fall

10. As much fun as the chaos of the summer months can be, fall rocks because it’s time to fall into a new routine. (You see what I did there?) School and activities begin and there is normalcy. Without established routine, I feel like I’m going insane. Can I get an “amen” from the other Type A Personalities??

9. Falling Leaves. What’s more beautiful than a whirlwind of colors dancing around in the air? The crunchy feel bellow your feet. The fresh, leafy scent that rides along in the breeze. Sigh. It’s like snow –only you can jump in it and not get frostbite.

8. Colorful knee socks. What other wonderful device allows a woman to look amazing, keep her feet warm, AND skip a day of leg-shaving? I hate having hot feet. It literally makes me angry, requiring the entire summer to be tolerated with flip flops. The weather change allows for chilly feet and the use of my favorite socks. It’s essential to my happiness.

7. Scarves and boots. I don’t mean the cold-weather type that you need for trekking out into a blizzard. I mean the most adorable clothing a person can wear all year. God bless the fashion designers who came up with these articles! It’s the only way that a plain Jane, stay-at-home-mom like me with zero fashion sense can feel like she’s actually somewhat put together. And with the proper application of scarfage, one’s hair is best worn in a messy, untamed bun that takes three seconds to put together. FINALLY!

6. It’s dark and cold. Does that sound depressing? I don’t think so. As someone who would take a rainy day over sunshine EVERY DAY, I love the change in atmosphere. Fall is like nature’s way of telling us to slow down. It gets dark earlier, so we need to stop planning late into the evening. Go inside. Enjoy your family. Get some rest. OK. Thanks, fall!

5. Fall means that Thanksgiving and Christmas are just around the corner. I love the holidays! I love the family time and gift giving and wonderful traditions that occur. It’s just such a time of warmth and excitement. Just typing this makes me want to start working on my list of Christmas ideas!

4. Jeans. Not everyone likes jeans, but for those of us that aren’t a size two, the extra coverage that long, denim pants provide is fabulous. Shorts are comfortable, but I would much rather only have to wear them at bedtime. I put them on during the summer solely to stay cool because, as I mentioned above, being too warm causes me to rage.

3. Bob Evan’s pumpkin bread. Have you had that stuff? Seriously, go and get some right this instant. Imagine little shards of heaven with whipped cream on top and that’s pretty much exactly what it tastes like. It’s so perfect that it got a number all to itself on the Top Ten List. And not just any number. Number three!

2. Events. Fall festivals are the best. We celebrate harvest with apple and pumpkin festivals filled with gorgeous decorations and rich foods. There are pumpkin patches to be explored and treasures to be retrieved. Bonfires become more pleasant as the evenings are cooler and you don’t feel like you’re going to roast in your lawn chair. Fall sports such as soccer and football await spectators. And what’s better than listening to the band play the fight song under the lights of your alma mater’s stadium. Yay Rah!

And finally…the number one reason why fall is the greatest time of year. What else could it be?

1. Beverages. I don’t even need to explain this one, but I will anyway and I’ll try not to swoon in the process. Hot apple cider, pumpkin spice lattes, arctic white hot chocolate with mounds of whipped cream… I had this thing called a Butter Snuggle Num Num. It was easy to look past the stupid name when I tasted the unbelievable, steamed latte flavored with butter rum and brown sugar. And more places are putting marshmallow in their pumpkin drinks. What? It’s like it was just meant to be! Well, I have to go –very important business to attend to!!

Hmmmm School?

I’ve been hearing more and more from parents on choosing to homeschool their kids. There’s also a big “unschooling” phenomenon coming up as well that is very interesting. It seems that everyone has a strong opinion on both of them. Here’s mine.

If you have the patience, knowledge, and self-discipline to homeschool your child. I bow down to you. You are awesome to invest that kind of time and commitment into your kids. Having the control over your child’s education is invaluable and your choice should be commended!

I fully planned to homeschool my kids when they were born. I don’t want them being part of a governmentally-mandated educational system. (Why they think they can teach kids how to do math when they can’t even keep their checkbook in the black, I’ll never know.) BUT- as my kids grew older, I started to become painfully aware that I am a terrible teacher. I might be able to teach them high school English, but that’s not going to be much help to a 2 and 4-year-old right now or make them terribly well-rounded in all the other subjects. If I were home, trying to run through a lesson plan, I would simultaneously be doing laundry, wiping counters, and making to-do lists. I am simply not focused or disciplined enough to do it.

Now, am I saddened that my kids won’t be homeschooled? Maybe a little. But despite my dislike of things like Common Core, I think we have some seriously amazing teachers out there that I cannot wait to let my kids work alongside. Those teachers have been blessed with the abilities that I have not. It is their passion to pour into my kids and help them to grow in knowledge. Great! I’m excited for the future!

Just like every parent should, I will be taking an active role in their educations, obviously. There will be occasions when my kids bring home information that we have strong convictions against and those will be dealt with in our home. I even look forward to those teachable moments that let my kids see both sides of things and give them the wisdom to navigate around the differences. Just because I won’t be setting aside a portion of our day for educational purposes, doesn’t mean that I’m off the hook for teaching my kids the difference between right and wrong in every area of their lives. (Sorry, I’m preaching now.)

OK. So, my kids won’t be homeschooled, but I love homeschooling. Make sense?

Sometimes, when I write, I think I need to have a point or a greater purpose for what I’m saying, but then I don’t make it. I just made you read all of that above to get to my point:

STOP ARGUING ABOUT THIS!

I cannot stand how people bash homeschooling families saying that they’re hindering the child’s social abilities or stifling their education. That’s not even close to being true! And homeschool people, don’t treat the public school families like they’re sacrificing their children to immorality. Also, not true, thank you very much.

This topic, to me, is about as bad as breast vs. bottle feeding. It’s a wretched debate with no right answer. Everyone has an opinion that they are passionate about and I give the same answer to feeding infants that I will to educating the big kids. If it WORKS for you and your family, then it’s the right choice. If it DOESN’T work for your family, then please don’t feel pressured into doing it!

It all goes back to supporting each other as parents, not attacking those who may not be on the same page. Got it?
OK. Can someone help me off my soap box? It’s pretty darn high up here.

Parenting Wins

Last week, I wrote about the comparison traps that parents can find themselves stuck in. It’s the surest way to feel depleted in our efforts to be the best mothers and fathers we can be. Well, today, I want to talk about the opposite of our failures in childrearing. We need to celebrate the successes, whatever they may be!

Everyone has those moments where you see your child exemplify exceptional manners, share a toy, or discover a new strategy that makes your life easier in some way. Let’s rejoice in those things! It’s not a time to brag, but I think we need to share these things for our own benefit. What’s the point of doing something awesome if there’s no one to share it with? Here are a few of my “Parenting Wins” from the past few weeks.

-At the library, my son did NOT want to leave. He was a couple of bookshelves away from me and I was trying to keep my cool and not yell because, hey, it’s the library. I made eye contact with him from across the room and held up a “number one” with my finger (intending to do the 1-2-3-you’re in big trouble method of discipline). It only took that one index finger in the air for my son to put down his toy and make his way quietly across the room to come with me. WHOA! I am really hoping someone saw that because I probably looked like the queen of disciplinary success! (I mean, what else would they be thinking?)

-Bedtime is a stressful time around our house. Because of my husband’s crazy pastoral schedule, he’s often gone in the evenings and I have to get the kiddos down by myself. After a full day of stay-at-home-momming, my patience is exhausted and I’m ready for a break. Getting those precious terrors into the bathtub is the easy part. They love bath time. Establishing a steady bedtime routine has helped… IF I can get them to go along with it. You see, they HATE brushing their teeth. I have to chase them all over the house and I just don’t have the energy to do it most nights. My solution: While I have them captive in the bathtub, I brush their teeth! They have nowhere to run and they even think it’s pretty funny to have their dental needs met while soaking in the bubbles. WIN!

-“I really love taking my kids grocery shopping with me!” – said no mom ever. Sometimes, that’s our only option.
One particular day, I had no other choice. I created a battle strategy and actually got my grocery shopping done with little opposition from the temperamental tornadoes I took with me. We started by choosing the “fun cart”. Not every grocery store has them, but some have the little cars for kids to ride in attached to the cart. Great! The excitement of that experience never lasts long, so I hit the produce first. By the time I got our week’s worth of fruits and vegetables, the kids were getting antsy. So our next stop was the deli. Samples are almost always available at the deli. Yeehaw! I got each of them a sliver of ham and a slice of cheese. With a snack in hand, I got them through half of the aisles. There is a candy vending machine near the check out of the store that they often cause a scene over. So I was prepared. I assured them both that if they were well-behaved, they would get to have a quarter to get a candy or gumball of their choosing. This bribe works for another aisle, but just before we get to the dairy section, it wears off so I have to try harder. I remind them of the prize at the end by pgiving them each a quarter to hold. It made them so happy and excited to have tangible evidence of the awaiting bribery that they road nicely until check out. Nailed it!

There you have it. I did three things this week that deserved a victory dance. Yes, I really struggled to come up with three. Some weeks are like that, aren’t they? But if you can tell anything from this blog, it’s that I’m not a perfect parent. I struggle… A LOT! But I’m learning to celebrate the small things and that can make all the difference.

Why Did I Write This?

I read a lot of young adult literature. OK, if I’m being totally honest, I only read the mainstream stuff that is most popular at the moment. That will change soon, as I’m coming to the end of my best-selling list and need more material. I’m sure books for grown-ups are just as lovely, but since I’m a young adult fantasy writer, I like to read what else is out there in my department.

I must say, of all the things I read, I really get into the dystopian genre. Those are the type of books like The Hunger Games, Divergent, or Matched with a futuristic, governmental system. Each of these is very different from the other, presenting entirely different problems with the government gaining more control and power than they should ultimately have. The concept is both intriguing and terrifying because it all seems entirely possible.

The Matched Trilogy was my most recent read. It really provoked a lot of deep thought and discussion. The Society that has developed within this series is one of complete perfection. Basically, the government has run all the data, figured all the science, and come up with the perfect formula for life. In the Society, each person is given their ideal spouse at a Matched Banquet. With this perfect match, they are guaranteed to love them because they are suited perfectly in their personalities and will produce genetically flawless children since, by using this process, the government has eradicated all birth defects and almost every disease. Meals are delivered to every citizen with proper nutrients and caloric needs based on each person. Exercise is required and recreation is controlled depending on specific individual needs. To de-clutter a person’s mind, the Society has chosen the top 100 of everything and destroyed the rest: 100 History Lessons, 100 Songs, 100 Poems, 100 Stories, etc.

As I was reading this, I was awestruck because there was a significant part of me that wished for this world of perfection. What if I never had to worry about grocery shopping or losing weight because the concern would be gone? What if I never had an argument with my husband because we were guaranteed to always get along based on the data of our personalities? Would I be comforted knowing that my family and I could live a healthy life until the age of 80 without the fear of cancer or diseases or infection?

It is tempting, to be sure. But the farther I read along, the more I began to see the price of that kind of perfection. The citizens within the Society had no free will. I tend to feel like free will gets the best of us most of the time in our current generation, so reading this trilogy gave me an incredibly fresh perspective and a taste of both worlds.

I cannot decide if this blog entry is a book review. (It’s an amazing trilogy with a great plot twist!) Or if I am just trying to share my excitement for this kind of literature. (Seriously, you should pick up something of the dystopian nature!) Or if I just wanted to get your wheels turning in thinking about the value of having free will and what it would mean if someone else held control of your life. (I think that really was my point, I just didn’t quite make it.)

Happy contemplation!

Crunch Crunch

There seems to be an explosion among parents these days, particularly with moms, moving toward a more “natural” lifestyle. I’ve heard these women called “crunchy moms”. The term itself makes me laugh, I have to admit.

This type of parenting, according to Urban Dictionary where I did indeed find a definition, is supposed to be all natural. Natural childbirth, sometimes at home and with no pain medication. Organic, healthy, homemade, homegrown foods. Home education, sometimes at an accelerated level. Homemade/natural cleaning products. Strict entertainment guidelines that might even ban television for kids. Etc.

So, that’s the definition. Am I a crunchy mom? Um, no. Will I ever be? In my dreams. These women have great intentions and there is nothing wrong with the way they are raising their kids. It’s great, even! But, what about the rest of us? What should we call ourselves? What’s the opposite of crunchy? Soft, gooey, warm, sugar-coated chocolate chip cookies. Yes, we’ll be the Chocolate Chip Cookie Moms.

When you’re a Chocolate Chip Cookie Mom, you tend to feel guilty that you’re not crunchier. I know nothing depletes my spirits faster than getting on Facebook and seeing a Crunchy Mom post. It’s almost like, “Look how great of a mother I am!” and I’m sitting there with Playdough matted to my carpet, gum in my hair, and screaming children running circles around my feet thinking, “Look what a horrendous mother I am!”

Well, Chocolate Chip Cookie Moms, don’t despair. We would all love to raise our kids in the healthiest way possible, but let me just be a little controversial here for a moment. I don’t think that’s what makes a great mom. You would step in front of a speeding bus for your kids, wouldn’t you? You would rock them through the night to soothe a cold. You kiss every boo boo. You wipe away every tear. You take them to appointments. You help them with their homework. You put yourself second again and again and again. You hold them tight, just because. You LOVE those kids. And what on earth could be more natural than a mother loving her children?

So what if you give them chicken nuggets for supper? Who cares if they watch an hour of cartoons so you can get a break and clean the house? No one is going to die if you use Windex instead of vinegar. You can’t be blamed for not planning a week’s worth of arts and crafts for a two-year-old. (In fact, there’s nothing I despise more than crafting! BLECH!)

So quit comparing yourselves. We moms are so prone to getting caught up in the comparison trap in our parenting styles. We need to support each other and not try to show each other up or make anyone feel like they aren’t meeting some imaginary standard.

You’re doing a great job. If your child knows that they are loved, cared for, and cherished, then you’re doing your job well, Mommy. Keep your chin up!